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Transcription of a Becker episode (1998):
Someone's in the kitchen with Reggie (5x01), by Juan de Dios Chamorro de la Orden (Av2 Mon, 2010-11)
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Previously in Becker...
Chris: I've been thinking about it and I know why you won't see me as a patient.
Becker: I gave you like 30 reasons why.
Chris: But you didn't give me the real reason. It's because you like me.
Becker: What?!
Chris: And you know what? I think I like you, too.
Becker: So, now what?
Chris: What? You dope?! And, now we kiss.
Becker: Chris just came over and we had this really great kiss. So, last thing I need right now, relationship! I tell you. She really gave me something to think about.
Reggie: Well, Becker, I hate to make your life more complicated, but here is something else for you to think about.
Becker: eh.
Pause.
Jake: Who's there?
Becker: Hey, morning, Jake. Why! Is it cold outside!
Jake: How'd you know it is cold outside?
Becker: How I'd know! -- I just came in from outside!
Jake: That's funny.
Becker: Why? Why is that funny?
Jake: Because the door is locked. Plus, it's dead bolted from the inside. We are not opened yet.
Becker: So, What's your point?
Jake: My point is there's no way that you came in from the outside. What did you do? Spend the night upstairs with Reggie and now sneak out? Oh, you're kidding, I'm right?
Becker: no, no, no, of course not, please, come on, I was upstairs helping… you know… she was… we organized. The truth is she fell and I as a doctor
Jake: Fell on top of her?
Becker: All right, all right, we slept together.
Jake: Oh my God!
Becker: Yeah, no.
Jake: Oh my God!
Becker: No.
Jake: Oh my God!
Becker: Could you stop saying that? I'm just as surprised as you are, believe me. I did no plan on sleeping with Reggie. No, I never even considered it. Well, maybe once or twice, you know, before I knew her well.
Jake: It sounds like quite a night.
Becker: Tell me about it. First Chris, then Reggie.
Jake: Wait, wait. Chris is up there too?
Becker: No, Chris was before her. She kissed me, all right. Then I came over here and Reggie kissed me and then… Oh! My God!
Jake: You know what, I think it's great. I always sensed there was a little heat between you two.
Becker: Really? Me and Reggie?
Jake: Hey! John, I'm blind. I'm not blind. So, is this going to be a one-time thing or is it going to turn into something?
Becker: I don't know, I don't know. You know, we haven't had the chance to discuss it yet, but I've got to tell you: it felt pretty good. You know, I mean, Reggie and I go way back. When I said it felt good I didn't mean it felt good. I meant that, well, it did feel good. I just meant, the entire thing, the whole thing felt good… not just it.
Jake: Sure, as I gather, smooth talking got her into bed in the first place.
Becker: Oh, dear. I have to get out of here. I get to work.
Hey, listen to me, for now I just want this between the two of us. You got that?
Jake: Hey, John, it's me. Come on. I'm insulted you even had to mention that.
Becker: You're right, you're right. Well, see you later.
Jake: See you later. You are still there, aren't you?
Becker: Yeah.
Jake: Ok.
Pause.
Margaret: You are late!
Linda: Oh!, I'm late, I'm late.
Margaret: Good! So we agree.
Linda: Oh no, we don't. You are the one who is late. We made plans to go to the movies last night and you never showed up.
Margaret: What are you talking about? We said we'd go to the movies next Thursday.
Linda: Which was yesterday!
Margaret: No, it wasn't.
Linda: Yes, it was.
Margaret: No, it wasn't.
Linda: Yes it was. We made a plan on Monday, so next Thursday was yesterday. Think about it. It was the next Thursday.
Margaret: Linda, everybody knows if you make a plan to do something next Thursday you are talking of a Thursday of the next week.
Linda: Since when?
Margaret: Since the world agreed to it at the beginning of the civilization.
Linda: Dr Becker, if it was Monday and we were talking about next Thursday, bearing in mind that today is Friday, would you be talking about yesterday or next week?
Becker: Linda's broken again.
Linda: Oh! I'm broken. I'm the only one who knows what goes on around here. Without me, this whole place would fall apart. But no, never knows…
Becker: I swear I saw a spring come flying out of her head.
Becker: Hey, Where's everybody?
Bob: By everybody, do you mean…everybody in the world, everybody in the city, or everybody in the diner you slept in?
Becker: Damn it, Jake. I can't believe you told Bob.
Jake: I had to tell somebody and I assumed that Reggie already knew.
Becker: So where is Reggie?
Jake: I just messaged. She just went to the bank.
Becker: Did she say anything about last night?
Jake: Yeah, she said that last night when she was with you she remembered that she had to go to the bank.
Bob: So Becker, what's the deal? Are you two like boyfriend-girlfriend?
Becker: What's this, high school?
Bob: It seems like it. Everybody is having sex but me.
Chris: Everybody?
All: Hey, Chris
Chris: Hey John! I had fun last night.
Becker: Yeah, me, too.
Bob: No kidding.
Jake: So, John, have you told Chris about Reggie?
Becker: Oh, I guess I should.
Bob: That's gonna (going to) be a tough conversation.
Becker: Oh please, come on, I'm a doctor. I give people bad news all the time. I'm nothing if not compassionate.
Becker: Hey Chris, we need to talk.
Chris: Great!, Sit down.
Becker: Last night after we kissed I came over here and slept with Reggie, so I don't think, it's going to work out between us.
Chris: Wow!
Bob: Why doesn't he just kick a dog while he is at it.
Chris: I know I said you should make the next move but I kind a thought the next move would be, you know, on me.
Becker: Wait a minute, I didn't plan this. You know, Reggie and I have been friends a long time. And it just kind of happened. You know. I'm sorry, I guess you are kind of upset.
Chris: No, no, no, not upset. I'm just…I'm surprised. But it's no big deal, I mean, all we did was kiss, right?
Becker: Right.
Chris: I'd rather you'd be with the right person. Even if it's not me. And Reggie is great. I'm happy for you guys, really.
Becker: Wow, you know, I can't believe how well you are taking this. Hey Chris, you are amazing.
Chris: Well apparently not that amazing. See you around.
Becker: Wow!
Bob: She is really a special woman -- strong, beautiful, compassionate. I just hope some day, some time in my life I get to dump a woman like that.
Pause.
Margaret: Linda, could you look in the book and tell me who is next?
Linda: Mr Petol is coming in at two o'clock.
Margaret: That's funny.
Linda: He's German I'm sure our names are funny to them, too.
Margaret: No it's funny because I told Mr Petol to come in next Friday.
Linda: Yes, you told him on Tuesday and today being Friday means that today is the next Friday.
Margaret: Linda, you are not making any sense. Everyone knows that if you say next Friday you are talking about the Friday of the next week. It's not literal, it's idiomatic.
Linda: It's completely idiomatic.
Margaret: If you don't stop this I'm gonna (going to) kick you into next week.
Linda: Yes, but your next week is my this week and I'm already here so you missed your chance.
Margaret: Would you just take that X-ray in to Dr. Becker?
Linda: Sure when I'm winning, you send me away. / Here's Mrs Harsh's chest X-ray and when you've done with it I need you give me back I accidentally wrote a phone number on her left lunge.
Becker: Linda, Linda.
Linda: Yes, Doctor Becker.
Becker: I've had this problem, I was wondering…Never mind. Go do whatever it is you do.
Linda: Yes, Doctor Becker.
Becker: No wait, come back here.
Linda: Yes, Dr Becker.
Becker: Never mind, go away.
Linda: This is what it's like talking to me, isn't it?
Becker: I'm sorry, it's just that I got a lot on my mind here. It is a relationship thing. I'll talk to Margaret.
Linda: Why would you talk to her? She doesn't even know what day it is.
Becker: All right, you are here. Sit down. Suppose somebody kissed one person and then…you know, later kissed another person and then…
Linda: you ended up sleeping with Reggie?
Becker: Jake?
Linda: He's telling everyone.
Becker: This morning I was positive, I wanted to be with Reggie. But now all I can think about is Chris but you know Reggie and I go way back. She is solid, dependable, safe.
Linda: You just described a Volvo. What about Chris?
Becker: She is fun, spontaneous, full of life. Chris is too risky, Reggie is the safe choice.
Linda: My God that is what love is like at fifty.
Dr. Becker: Life is all about taking risks. Let me tell you a story about a guy I once knew who wanted a motorcycle. He knew he shouldn't get one because they're dangerous, they‘re impractical, you get bugs in your teeth, but it's all he ever wanted. So he saved up all his money, bought himself a Harley, strapped on his wooden leg and rode off into the sunset.
Becker: So what you are trying to tell me here, he was following his heart. And it worked out for him?
Linda: Yeah! for about a quarter mile, then he skidded out over four lanes of traffic.
Becker: Dead?
Linda: He is to me. He was supposed to take me with him, and he left without even calling.
Becker: Linda, you should be glad you weren't on the bike.
Linda: You know, I never looked at it in that way. Thanks. I'm really glad we had this talk.
Pause.
Becker: hey guys.
All: Hey, Becker!
Becker: Where is Reggie? I need to talk to her.
Jake: I don't know, I haven't seen her. And yes Bob, I'm blind and I said I haven't seen her. It's hysterical.
Bob: You know, if you're going to take shots at yourself, there's really no reason for me to be here.
Becker: So when do you think she is coming back? I need to talk to her.
Jake: What's going on?
Becker: Oh. I'm so screwed up.
Bob: You know we keep telling her that but she slept with you anyway.
Man: Anybody work here?
Bob: Not really.
Man: So I can't get coffee?
Jake: Look we're kind of in the middle of something here. The coffee is right over there and you just help yourself.
Man: All right
Becker: Well I'm here to break up with Reggie. I want to be with Chris.
Jake: Are you kidding? What happened to it feels right?
Becker: I changed my mind, ok? I just don't know what to say to her.
Jake: Why don't you just shoot her in her head, like you did Chris? What made you change your mind?
Becker: Well, I was with Linda...
Bob: You slept with Linda, too? When did old and cranky become hot?
Man: Excuse me, is someone going to get that?
Jake. You're standing right next to it.
Bob: Pick it up. Help a brother out.
Becker: I didn't sleep with Linda, all right? I just asked her for some advice.
Jake: Oh my God.
Becker: I know
Man: It's for someone named Jake.
Jake: Would you mind taking a message?
Man: O-k.
Margaret: There you are, John Becker, Would you please tell me why I'm the last one to know what's going on in your life? And if you need relationship advice, why talk to Linda? She's never had a meaningful relationship that lasted more than 48 hours. No offence.
Linda: None taken.
Margaret: Her only steady boyfriend was a convicted criminal. No offence.
Linda: None taken.
Becker: Margaret, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But, if it's any consolation, Linda's advice was absolutely worthless. No offence.
Linda: This is starting to wear a little thin.
Man: Here's your message.
Jake: Oh could you read it to me? I'm blind.
Man: This is getting to be a lot of work for a bad cup of coffee. It's from someone named Reggie. “I'm sorry I missed you. Please tell Becker that…”
Becker: Hey I'm Becker.
Man: Oh, here you go.
Becker: Wait, get back here. I can't read this. Where the hell did you learn how to write?
Man: She was talking kind of fast. I did the best I could. “When I woke up this morning I realized that going to bed with you was the best thing I've ever done.”
Becker: This is kind of embarrassing. Go on.
Man: “It made me see just how desperate I really was, I mean, sleeping with you, my God how much worse could my life get?” I'm guessing she didn't know there'd be all these people around when I…
Becker: Just finish it.
Man: I knew, if I didn't leave today, I'd be here forever. I'll miss everyone. But I need to do this. Tell them all goodbye.
Becker: So she is gone?
Man: Yes.
Becker: Is that all she said?
Man: Yes.
Becker: So that's it?
Man: Well, this a little awkward but…
Becker: Reggie tod you to do that, did you?
Man: No, I just felt it.
Margaret: I can't believe this. It's not like Reggie to just pick up and leave.
Linda: Why didn't she say goodbye?
Margaret: Maybe she didn't want to be talked out of it.
Becker: Did a man just kiss me?
Pause.
Becker: Thank you for meeting me here.
Chris: No problem.
Becker: Can I …Would you like some to drink? Maybe a glass of wine or something?
Chris: White wine would be nice.
Becker: Great, Hey! Hey! Come in, come in. We should like a glass of Chardonnay.
Chris: Kind of figure you'd be with Reggie tonight. What's going on?
Becker: I got some great news for you.
Chris: Even better than the news you gave me this morning...
Becker: Chris, I made a big mistake. Since we talked, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. Look I want to get this right. So few people know what's going to make them happy, but for the first time in my life I know exactly what I want. I want to be with you.
Chris: I wanna (want to) be honest I wasn't expecting this.
Becker: I hope it's not too late.
Chris: Nowhere to be...
Becker: That's great, that's great. So, what do we do now?
Chris: God, you're bad at this. Now, we kiss. Wait a minute. Is Reggie ok?
Becker: I have no idea. She left town.
Chris: What? What do you mean she left town?
Becker: Well, apparently, she didn't feel as good about last night as I did, so she‘s gone.
What did you do that for?!
Chris: So now, that Reggie's gone you just decide to come running back to me?
Is that it?
Becker: I can see how that sounded that way. No, no, Reggie's leaving is a good thing. Now we can be together.
Chris: Oh, she was the trophy and I'm just some consolation prize?
Becker: Chris believe me you're no prize.All right, I can see how that came out wrong, too. Don't even think about it. Don't you dare. No, please, sit down. I forbid you.
Chris: Don't you think I have any pride? Any self-respect? You think I'm just come running into your arms because Reggie isn't interested? What am I, leftovers?
Becker: No, no, that's not how it happened. Please just sit down. No, please sit down. Let me explain this please. Look now. Reggie's leaving had nothing to do with my decision.
Chris: Your decision ?
Becker: No my desire. My desire to be with you. And for the record, I already desired that before she was gone. You gotta (have to) believe me, Chris. I went to the diner to break up with her. I was following my heart. I was following the motorcycle and something else Linda said about a guy with a wooden leg.
Chris: You discussed this with Linda?
Becker: I discussed it with everybody. That was a single malt. That's 2 bucks a shot.
Chris: Are you arrogant or just stupid? I am not a fool, John Becker, and I resent the fact that you seem to think I am.
Becker: Oh please, Don't you think you are overreacting?
Chris: Overreacting?!
Woman: I hate it when men say that. Here.
Becker: Do I look thirsty.
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